Thursday, August 26, 2004
Envy
My best friend called me yesterday. She just started culinary school.
We graduated together and are the same age and both of us want something more from life. Her luck is that she decided what that something was in time to be in school this fall. I have to wait another year. This is frustrating.
On the one hand, I am stupidly happy for her—her voice sounds brighter than it has in months. I can tell how uplifting it is for her to be working towards this goal of hers.
But on the other hand, I am so envious. I want to be where she is, back in school, working towards that goal. I know I am not ready—not just in the practical matters, but also mentally.
I know I am ready to go back to school. But I am not ready to go back to school. There are too many mental adjustments I still need to make, sacrifices to be realized, milestones to pass, before I will actually be ready.
But still, I am envious. I want that bright note of joy in my voice. I want to know my goal is that much closer.
We graduated together and are the same age and both of us want something more from life. Her luck is that she decided what that something was in time to be in school this fall. I have to wait another year. This is frustrating.
On the one hand, I am stupidly happy for her—her voice sounds brighter than it has in months. I can tell how uplifting it is for her to be working towards this goal of hers.
But on the other hand, I am so envious. I want to be where she is, back in school, working towards that goal. I know I am not ready—not just in the practical matters, but also mentally.
I know I am ready to go back to school. But I am not ready to go back to school. There are too many mental adjustments I still need to make, sacrifices to be realized, milestones to pass, before I will actually be ready.
But still, I am envious. I want that bright note of joy in my voice. I want to know my goal is that much closer.
