Monday, May 17, 2004
Family
Sometimes I forget how deep family ties are rooted.
It's very easy to hide at home, shelter myself from filial obligations and weekly phone calls. Because in my most private soul, I powerfully fear contact -- even while yearning for closeness.
Why? All that baggage.
Some bags are the vacation trunks, plastered with images from fun and exciting interludes, weddings, births, late nights at the movies. CONGRATULATIONS! and REMEMBER THAT NIGHT? stamps overlap I LOVE YOU and YOU UNDERSTAND ME stickers.
But some of those family trunks are wrapped in yellow police tape, blaring CAUTION: DANGER INSIDE. Sometimes the yellow tape says EVIDENCE OF OLD AGE, or YOUTH SQUANDERED. Stickers cry CANCER and MENTAL ILLNESS, DIVORCE, DEATH, ANGER.
And it's hard. On some bags the yellow tape obscures almost all of the lovely memories.
I'd rather not look at the ugly yellow tape and I'd prefer not to think of the other images hidden underneath it. It's too hard. There are too many sadnesses involved in peeling away the warnings, too many tears to shed.
It's very easy to hide at home, shelter myself from filial obligations and weekly phone calls. Because in my most private soul, I powerfully fear contact -- even while yearning for closeness.
Why? All that baggage.
Some bags are the vacation trunks, plastered with images from fun and exciting interludes, weddings, births, late nights at the movies. CONGRATULATIONS! and REMEMBER THAT NIGHT? stamps overlap I LOVE YOU and YOU UNDERSTAND ME stickers.
But some of those family trunks are wrapped in yellow police tape, blaring CAUTION: DANGER INSIDE. Sometimes the yellow tape says EVIDENCE OF OLD AGE, or YOUTH SQUANDERED. Stickers cry CANCER and MENTAL ILLNESS, DIVORCE, DEATH, ANGER.
And it's hard. On some bags the yellow tape obscures almost all of the lovely memories.
I'd rather not look at the ugly yellow tape and I'd prefer not to think of the other images hidden underneath it. It's too hard. There are too many sadnesses involved in peeling away the warnings, too many tears to shed.
